Know him to not hate him
In the streaming series Goliath, there’s a scene where the lead character, Billy McBride, is talking to his daughter, Denise, about Billy’s father:
Billy McBride: You know, I used to hate him.
Denise McBride: And now?
Billy McBride: Now I know him.
These few words are so telling. Billy probably understands his father more as Billy has grown older and faced the same challenges his father did. And when we know someone, the stereotypes and categories we box people into disappear.
If you have animosity towards someone, most of the time it’s probably because you don’t understand them. That goes deeper than just knowing them.
Even though I’m a trained attorney, I don’t believe true societal change comes from laws being made. Change has to come from within. It’s inside out – not outside in. Here’s a recent example from my life.
I’m having dinner with an older (non-black) couple. They tell me what they think is a compliment. “We don’t see you as a regular black person.”
That statement encapsulates all they’ve seen in the media about black people. Maybe a bad experience with one personally.
From their point of view, I could see they were relaying to me that I was different than the box of black people, in a good way.
And we all are different, in a good way.
When you can know someone and understand what led them to this point, the loathing lessens. Even with people that we see as the worst of us.
There’s always a story. We often think someone should act as we would, with our story. But it’s not your story. It’s theirs.
And just imagine what the world would be if we could all get to the point where we understood that their story is also ours.
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