Motherly imposition
Me: I’d like to go to Bali.
Mom: What? They’re kidnapping Americans.
Me: Where?
Mom: Everywhere!
This is a typical exchange when I state one of my, according to my mom, “crazy ideas”.
She thinks it’s best for me if I don’t travel, go out at night, or drive more than 15 minutes — to anywhere.
As for me, I love to travel, shake my booty out on the town once in a while, and take leisurely drives, hours away to different climates.
This causes my mom a lot of agita. She projects what’s safe and comfortable for her onto me, so when I act according to my highest excitement, it feels insane to her.
My dear mother imposes her values, needs, and wishes onto my actions. And it’s a world of hurt.
When we only take into account our background and life experience in our relationships, we discount an entire lifetime we haven’t lived.
To walk in someone else’s shoes is not inserting your mind, body, and experiences into the life of another. No, to truly do it, you would probably have to work backwards.
If someone acts in a way you don’t understand or with which you disagree, ask yourself, “What thoughts and experiences did they have that led them there?”
An act does not occur in a vacuum. If your life had been slightly different, you might have chosen another action.
Coming up with answers to the question of what led them there brings forth understanding, compassion, and more harmonious relationships.
Everyone is still responsible for their actions, but doing this exercise will help them not to feel judged, and you’re not in pain from trying to change someone who doesn’t want to.
Sometimes I remind my mom that she moved to another country, by herself, and that’s pretty brave.
She plays it down. But I know, we’re not so different after all.
