I recently found myself in a situation where I felt that I and the people around me had been treated unfairly – that some people were “out to get us” because of where we’re from.
While this could be true, at this point, I can choose not to spiral into powerlessness.
“As my sufferings mounted, I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
—Martin Luther King, Jr.
How I reacted to this incident from my childhood, described below, could have propelled me onto a path of resentment and victimhood.
When I was 10 or 11 years old, I played on a tennis team for a swim and tennis club that bordered my neighborhood.
I remember what I was wearing to practice this day — blue shorts, a gray shirt, and my hair was in tight cornrows, which my mom had braided so tightly that only physical activity got rid of the headache.
After tennis practice, I walked over to the bike rack in front of the pool entrance and took my bike out to ride home. Then I heard a voice behind me.
“What are you doing?” It was my favorite lifeguard! He was in high school, blond with broad shoulders, and I loved to watch him as he swam butterfly.
“I’m riding home,” I said.
“I’ve never seen you here. What’s your name?”
“Stacy Ison.”
“Is that your bike?’
“Yes, I play on the tennis team here.”
“Well, I’m going to take your information and check around to see if you’re telling the truth.”
“Just ask ….” I listed all my friends on the tennis team that had older brothers that he might know.
I left. The next day I had tennis practice again. After practice, I went to get my bike. He appeared. “I checked around, and it is your bike. You just looked like someone who would steal a bike.”
I was sad and shocked at the assumptions he made about me.
My parents grew up in another country, and they didn’t see incidents like this every day in their formative years.
So, I had a different perspective from people whose families have been in this country for multiple generations. For me, it was a sad one-off, from someone I had admired (yes, a little crush), but I mostly admired his beautiful and powerful butterfly stroke.
I know people who grew up with different family backgrounds, and who don’t trust and even despise the people who represent the swim club lifeguards of this world.
You always have a choice, though — as difficult as it can be to choose a different direction than what you have always known.
“You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you. How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”
—Wayne Dyer
Living a good-hearted life doesn’t mean that you will never see pain, suffering, or incidents that seem so unfair.
Part of growth is changing how you react to events that have caused continuing resentment, or anger, or the feeling of powerlessness in the past.
There is so much energy there. Instead of living in those spaces, transform that energy into powering your authenticity.
I wish I would have had the words to say to butterfly guy how much that had hurt. Now, I do.
As I react, I can express my truth, without the intention of harm. But with the intention of an open heart, to make life better for everyone involved.
