Neutralize their energy
After I went for an amazing winner on the tennis court and swung my racquet with tremendous might – I hit the ball out.
The thing is, I attempted that shot after my opponent hit an aggressive shot. So, my wise tennis coach told me to neutralize the energy of that shot, instead.
Instead of trying to use that same level of energy (or even bigger) coming towards me, to accept that I’m being attacked and neutralize it. From that place, I can set up the ball to attack later in the point, when my opponent is on defense.
And in other areas of life, the same concept applies. Reacting to offense does not have to mean being on defense. You can neutralize the situation.
For instance, a blame argument (“You did this. Well, you did this!”) just escalates into nowhere land. No mind or behavior is changed via the blame game.
If you get into a situation like this, how can you neutralize this attack? First accept it. You can’t change the attack. It happened. You don’t have to agree with the person attacking, but you can accept how they feel as is.
Trying to change how they feel is not neutralizing. Telling them they’re wrong to feel that way is not neutralizing. These are all amplifications of attack “hitting-the-ball-out” energy.
Understanding why the person feels this way is more neutral. I’m not suggesting you have to go through a full-blown psychoanalytical session, but you can have the intention of creating a solution that is in the best interest of you both.
To not only understand their needs, but yours as well. Sometimes there’s a layer beneath our desires that is really the need that we’re satisfying.
For instance, if a person is always late. The person shows up late, and you think how inconsiderate they are. They’re selfish not to think of you.
Your underlying need – to be valued – that your needs are considered. Their underlying need – to be selfish? Probably not.
What if they feel like they have no control in other areas of their life, and someone setting a time feels out of control. But being five minutes late is a way of feeling powerful in a life that feels powerless.
If you can put yourself in their shoes, that already changes the energy of the situation. You don’t even have to use words.
Thoughts are all you need to neutralize that shot.
