Gold digging and “your type”

I’ve heard Alison Armstrong, an educator dedicated to transforming the way women and men relate to and understand each other, mention several times that if you want a fulfilling partnership, don’t date “your type.”

I agree with most things I hear her say, but I would disagree with her every time I heard this one, until a light came on for me a few days ago.

I had thought Alison was projecting a belief that a strong partnership may fulfill all your needs, except if you want hot-and-heavy sexual attraction.

Alison tells the story of meeting her “not-my-type” husband. She didn’t have that sexual pull towards him and didn’t care whether there would be a second date.

So, when he asked her what she wanted, she was honest with him about wanting another child and being able to be home to raise that child. She didn’t care if the child desire would scare him off or whether he thought she was a gold digger.

It finally hit me that this was more than having it all emotionally and physically with someone – this was about authenticity.

It’s easier to be authentic when you feel there’s nothing to lose. And there’s never anything to lose when you are true to who you are.

You make your own prison. And the bars around it are what other people think of you.

If Alison would have been inauthentic, taking actions to not be rejected by a guy she thought was really hot, she might have missed out on a wonderful, almost 30-year relationship.

But she was authentic about her desires. And on that first date, her future husband decided he wanted to provide that for her.

What is true for you might not be true for someone. It will be for someone else, though. You just have to express it to find out.